March 15, 2010

I love blogging from the road. Getting into the depth of everything that's happened. Collecting every piece of yourself, picking out the things you want and saving them and also throwing away things that are not right for you anymore. So take it for what it is and excuse all the grammatical errors that come with typing on an iphone.  

I'm not to keen on the talking in code buisness going on between people who are still very important to me. If this is their way of teaching me a lesson  then in fact they are wrong. I've learned that everyone (key into the word everyone) makes mistakes but it's what you do after those mistakes that matter most. I'm not going to say it doesn't bother me a little because honestly it does but I will tell you I won't lose sleep over it. I think what gets to me the most is how they are playing around with their words  forming their sentences in ways that they know any other person wouldn't understand but to me feels like I'm being gutted. It's bad form and really low but it's only going to make me a stronger person.  So just stop with the metaphors and quit pulling the blame cards. The longer you hold this over my head the more effort your wasting that should be used fixing your own problems.

Despite the biting remarks I've had a beyond beautiful morning and an even better weekend. The past couple days were nothing short of perfect. The weather was marvelous, the sun shown just right. A lot of thoughts are being processed about how I should be handling myself. I hate questioning if I gave too much or maybe not enough. I just want to be taken by the hand and told what to do. There is so much "feeling" pulsating through these veins but its a kind of feeling that does not quite have a name..yet. I can tell you that whatever feelings my tiny bones do contain I want them to stay. What I do know and can say is You have sought me through my worst, brought me up for air and breathed life into me. And I am so very thankful for you and the unexpectedness you brought.  

I'm getting back to me. Finding and doing what makes me happy. I've  been mapping out my big plans, but I'm going to view them only as guidelines. Ive always been the kind of person that just takes things as they come. Tomorrow is never promised so I live for the day and when I lay my head down I don't want any regrets from missing opportunities that weren't part of "The Plan". Sometimes youre on a road that leads straight to one place but connected to this road are crossroads and detours, that although it takes longer to reach your destination, you're still on that same path... just enjoying things a little bit more.  I guess what im trying to say is that when you find yourself at a crossroad the choices you make in those desperate moments will determine the kind of person you are and will be. Ultimately there are many things I want to accomplish but that's all in good time. Right now I feel I've taken a crossroad, I exited the road that once led to a specific thing I thought I wanted, but now I'm being led to an even better place. And Thus far it is a great journey.

The morning has just peaked into the afternoon. I've got the windows down, a perfectly mixed CD spinning, sun warming my skin, a well crafted PB&J and a little sand in my shoes. A marvelous combination that gives me hope,  which hopefully carries me through the rest of the week.

With tired thumbs.